more love. more learning.

week two.
frustrating.
i felt alone and tired and more overwhelmed than i knew was possible.
standing in the shower i begged god for something, for someone, for some love because my heart felt so alone,i felt so pushed away.
it wasnt until a couple days later that i realized what He was up to. Simply put, he was making me raw. God was stripping me of all my security, of close friendships and comfort so the only thing that would be left was Him. I hated Him for it, and at the same time it made me realize that He loved me so much more than I could ever fathom; the God of the universe wants me for Himself? He wants all my of my attention and devotion and time so He can love on me and carve me into something radiant? why? His answer? i love you. every time.

not only did i feel alone but i was unhappy. unhappy with being alone, with attitudes that had crept up, with simply being where i was at. i was restless and ready to leave. god stepped in with a quote; 'being happy doesnt mean everything is perfect, it means looking beyond the imperfections'. point taken god, thanks. i realized at that moment that i needed to be happy with today, with where i was, with who was around me. i wrote 'i need to suck it up and embrace it...because this is where god's placed me and this is where i'll remain.' no statement could be more true.

by the end of training god had changed me. in two weeks i had melted and god had started chipping away at the old layers of who i was. he innovatively breathed into me that he loved me, that i was valued and that life is now...where im at. how amazing is my heavenly father?